Uniform Code of Long Crawl Justice

The Uniform Code of Long Crawl Justice

Explanatory Memorandum

The Long Crawl is a diplomatic mission. All members will be expected to conduct themselves in a manner that is respectful and complimentary of their host cultures whilst being upstanding representatives of their respective home countries and societies.

This document exists as an official guideline to acceptable standards of behavior for Long Crawl Diplomats (LCD). Should any LCD fail to uphold his duty he may be charged with any of the crimes listed hereforth and will be punished subject to the standards of punishment set down in this document.


Section 1: List of Crimes

An individual LCD may be charged with the following crimes by another LCD.

All crimes alleged must be witnessed and have sufficient probative evidence in order to establish a charge.

The Politician:

(i) An individual making a unilateral statement based on their opinion, stance or potential course of action during the course of The Long Crawl that is subsequently contradicted through their own actions.

(ii) Lying to the public: A baseless statement that subsequently is found to be completely false or was apparent to others as false from the outset.

(iii) Instigating a heated political debate with local members of the public.


Beer Atrocities:
(iv) Spillage
(v) Failure to consume entire beverage
(vi) Tipping out drink

The Hugh Grant: Engaging in any public affection with a woman that is simply annoying/offensive to those around you.

The Bill Clinton: Unwelcome attention on one or more females and smoking cigars. Remember to always dry clean your dresses

The Fabio: Taking excessively long to get ready and/or holding up team plans

The Arlington Special: Urinating in Public

The Lindsay Lohan: Impacting adversely on the trip scheduling

Russell Crowe-ing: Randomly starting an unprovoked fight

David Copperfield: Disappearing ‘magically’ during the course of the night.

The Kid Rock: Being evicted from a premises; bar, hotel, restaurant, etc.

The Karl Rove: An LCD continually attempting to manipulate the course of events to suit their underlying motives.

The 12 Stepper: Anyone attempting to be a teetotaler. Drinking is mandatory.

The Cinderella: Being in bed before midnight.

The Linda Blair: Throwing up in a public place

The Tom Cruise: General offensive couch jumping behavior


Section 2: Degrees of Seriousness

1. After the leveling of the charge of a crime the degree of seriousness must be established.

2. An early guilty plea is subject to a downgrading of seriousness

3. Categories are defined in the following ways :

Category 1 – Britney Spears

Defined as: A basic stupid indiscretion and/or momentary lapse of judgment. An embarrassing incident like forgetting to put on your drawers before leaving for the bar.
Penalty: Subject to local conditions. A shot or two of the local swill.

Category 2 – Mel Gibson

Defined as: Indiscretions reaching the level of character flaw. Who caused all of the world's problems, officer? Let me explain. . .
Penalty: Round of shots.

Category 3 – Bill Buckner

Defined as: An offense of an egregious nature that impacts on other LCDs. Otherwise defined as an epic failure that screws over the rest of the team.
Penalty: One day servitude, within reason, to the other LCDs

Category 4- OJ Simpson

Defined as: Capital Offenses. Only this time, we'll find you guilty.
Penalty: One day servitude and one instance of buying the bar.

Category 5 – The Hiroshima

Defined as: Cataclysmic, disastrous damage to the trip or at least the complete ruination of a whole stop done through the voluntary actions of one individual. Landing in the Clink through your dumbass fault and making us wait a week to bail you out, or similar.
Penalty: Shall be determined on a case by case basis.


Section 3: Judgment

1. Court will take place at the airport on the last day of a stop prior to departure

2. Each LCD shall sit in the Hot Seat and be subject to the leveling on of charges. The remaining LCDs shall sit in judgment of the accused.

3. An LCD, upon hearing the evidence, may submit a plea of guilty or not guilty.

4. Upon a plea of guilt a punishment shall be levied at the appropriate Seriousness level taking into an account the relevant plea bargain discount negotiated.

5. Upon a plea of not guilty, the accused shall be permitted a concise defense based on the facts at hand or other mitigating factors.
(i) Upon the hearing of submissions, the remaining LCDs will vote as judges in the matter
(ii) Upon a unanimous vote of guilt an LCD is found guilty with the punishment set at the appropriate Seriousness level
(ii) Should there be a split between the judges the outcome shall be decided by coin flip of the Ceremonial Coin.
(iv) It is the right of the defendant to call the coin toss in the air.

6. Penalties shall be carried out at the next stop unless otherwise agreed upon by both Judges.

7. Once an LCD has been removed from the Hot Seat no further charges may be leveled.

8. No one charge may be leveled more than once for a particular crime.

9. Charges may only related to activities/crimes committed on that particular stop.

10. Appeals: It is the right of the accused to appeal a decision.

(i) Appeals shall take place in the form of a best of three ‘Rock Off’ between the accused and the person that leveled the charge.
(ii) Rock Off shall follow the internationally accepted standards (Rock beats Scissors, Paper Beats Rock, Scissors beats Paper.)
(iii) Appeals are limited to two unsuccessful challenges per court session to a ruling after which the accused no longer has the rights to appeal.

Section 4: Amendments

1. UCLCJ Amendments may be brought forth at the conclusion of a court proceeding at any One Star Stop.

2. Amendments may be proposed by any LCD and will be ratified by a two thirds majority vote

3. Constitutional Amendments will only take affect at the next stop.

Section 5: Side Bets

Prior to the interrogation of witness and leveling of charges, the settling of sides bets between any two LCDs must be performed.

If any adjudication is required the deciding vote shall fall to the unaffiliated LCD. Any such decision shall be final.